He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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