She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
