i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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