walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
