i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
