Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
