i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
