Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
