Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
