brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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