We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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