Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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