my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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