The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
