i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
