I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
