we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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