What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
