I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
