U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
