Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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