I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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