did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
