i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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