hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
