I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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