some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
