just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
