That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
