So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
