I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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