i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
