THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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