how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
