she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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