I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
