Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
