I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is my gift to your gina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
