yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
