every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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