So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
two words: eviction party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
