We're like a lot better than the average bears
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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