Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
