Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
