I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
