A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
