2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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