It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
