Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
