I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
