Just fell off a train. Bad.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
