You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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