Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
