I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
